Showing posts from June, 2010

The Kingdom of God

As time passes along this journey I find myself more and more often, contemplating on how bizarre this all is. How did I go from being a coven priestess/witch/pagan to a contemplative Gnostic Christian. I never really felt the presence of Goddess. I wanted to. I tried. But I was unable to personify her. And when working with Deity, ones with names, and strengths and weaknesses... well, personification is just sort of something one does.I had varied levels of success, but in the end, it just did not feel real to me. I want to clarify that I was not raised religious at all, so it wasn't religious baggage coming back to haunt me. I was free while growing up to explore whatever religious avenues I felt inclined toward. Always something deeper. Always trying to figure out the source. Now here I am, a few years later and I feel like I have seen the Kingdom of God. Or at least a good advertisement for it. The experiences I have had while on walks, when the feeling of surrealism overcomes

Once again...

A new forum Read the Forum tab for more info and see what you think. It is up and running, I'm just prettying it up a tad :D

Mystical on Monday

Well, I tried. Some days I am just lacking that creative flow it seems. My walk is filled with incessant chatter in my head rather than the calming sensation I hope to feel while being out in the beauty of my neighbourhood. The little 'me' inside of ME just wants to go on a narrative spree and fill my brain full of random nothingness. I definitely need to put more time into centering prayer. I was reviewing my vows as a nun in the Order of St. Esclarmonde. I need to print them out and put them where I see them. It is very easy as a solitary nun, and mother of five, to let my religious applications slide. My schedule when I'm on the ball is : Prime : from OSE Little Hours: from Merton, combined with June Singer, or the Daily Prayer from Fr. Tim Mansfield+ Vespers: from Merton and/or The Apostolic Johannite Church/Fr.Tim Mansfield+ (my absolute favourite time of day. I usually just read this outloud, outside, while watching the kids play in the yard each e

Filling the Void

Love comes from the Divine. Or rather, the Divine IS love. It exists within everything, permeating this realm through cracks and fissures we create through awakening. (a concept I recently read again in Cynthia Bourgeault’s Wisdom Way of Knowing) I had some rambling thoughts today. Very rambling. Be warned. :) As children we receive hugs, and cuddles and we are ideally made to feel valued important and significant. As children we wake up in the morning, wondering what the day will bring, finding the miraculous in the mundane. Not all children are brought up to feel this way. Some children never know what it is to have their heart filled with love from those around them. Usually because those around them don’t know how to love them. Or themselves. These children often grow with that emptiness inside of them. An emptiness that when they were younger, they filled with a special toy, or a favourite food, or a favourite program. They learned how to fill that void with ‘things’. They create

The Wrong Alice

I really enjoyed Alice in Wonderland. It was fun to watch, and visually stimulating. Yes, it was predictable, and sure it was a bit cheesy in places, but it was a comfortable movie. It was familiar. Reminded me of all the movies I enjoyed as a child. At one point not too long ago, I felt like the Wrong Shilo. Some time has passed, and I've come to realize I wasn't the Wrong Shilo, I was just Hardly Shilo. Now, I am Almost Shilo, and I'm pleased with that. Of course, if you haven't watched Alice in Wonderland, then this quite possibly makes no sense. My fifteen year old is home right now. He came here today and is here til Sunday. It's been peaceful, but I've missed him alot. As horribly as we argue and as rotten as he can be, it still feels 'right' that he be here. He's only been gone for a week and a half, but it isn't the amount of time he has been gone as much as it is the fact that he has not been gone simply to visit his dad. Instead, he is

Oatmeal Muffins

I realized I ran out of bread, and the kids wanted toast and peanut butter for a snack. So, I made oatmeal muffins. 2 cups of milk 2 cups quick cooking oats 2 eggs 1/2 cup vegetable oil 2 cups all-purpose flour 3/4 cup white sugar 4 teaspoons baking powder 1 teaspoon salt pinch of cinnamon dash of vanilla handful of chocolate chips The base recipe came from and the cinnamon, vanilla and chocolate chips I added. You can tell where the original recipe ends and my additions come in by my lack of measurements. lol They turned out perfectly!

The Beloved Disciple

Ever since reading The Community of the Beloved Disciple, by Raymond Brown, I can't get it out of my mind. WHO was the Beloved Disciple? Lazarus makes alot of sense, considering it was 'he whom Jesus loved', and he raised him from the dead, and there are very similar references to this in the 'Secret Gospel of Mark', and of course all the other countless points that people make when writing this theory out. Then also, is the other possibility, Mary Magdalene. Especially if she is the same Mary mentioned in John. Anyhow... I hope this obsessive 'want to know' passes soon. I'm really trying to concentrate on things I CAN figure out right now. But the 'Community of the Beloved Disciple' is a big fascination for me right now. In other news, Demetrio has smashed himself in the face twice so far this morning. Its only eleven am. Once, he slipped and hit his chin on the bottom of the highchair as he was playing near it. He actually cut open his chin, an

Moving away from Wordpress

For awhile now I've hosted my blog with an attached forum at . It's time to let it go. It's dead. I'll just do what everyone else is using and use a good old fashoined blog. Just have to switch over the followers and networked blogs etc. Getting the other site off the server will leave just SpiralInward there, and that's quite fine. Spiral Inward is worthy of having the space to itself :)

Mater Amabilis ~ AJC Narthex

It was our first Narthex meeting today. There was only the three of us, but we had a really nice time. Good discussion, and good coffee. (oh, and good cookies too, if I DO say so myself :) ) Can't wait til next month!

Just another wordpress blog post

I've done pretty good with staying offline. I've reduced my time by about 80%. I just need to narrow down my time on here to quality activities. Blog updates and Spiral Inward message board :D ( My icons from arrived. Very beautiful. Ill add pics tomorrow. Our first official Mater Amabilis Narthex is tomorrow. There are three confirmed other than myself. Im pleased with that number. Good things start small. It gives us a chance to get to know each other and to get a good idea of where we want to go with this. I saw my boy tonight. My one who is with his dad right now. I went to watch his lacrosse game with my husband. It was a 4-4 tie and I was so stressed watching those last minutes I thought I was going to hyperventilate. LOL. It was 4-4 almost the whole last period. I hope he and I can work things out. If he wants to. I understand that maybe we just can't live together. He's almost 16 and all his life, behaviour has been a struggle.

Well, he's gone

I'm always amazed at how quiet it is when he's not here. When he's at his dads for a few days or whatnot. Yes, even with two screaming toddlers, and two older kids still here. He went yesterday. I hope that we can sort things out. His lacross team is in the Provincials this year. They've only lost two games all season. Way to go Mustangs! Well, that's about it. Dante and Demetrio are having a screaming and crying contest it seems.

June 7th

I always have a hard time picking titles for posts, especially when Im on more of a ramble than an actual topic. The kids are doing well, though I'm having a rough time with my 15 year old. I'm sending him to stay with his dad for a while. I'm hoping that he hates it there enough that he begs to come back with a true intend to behave himself. And if not, if he actually enjoys it there, well then... I guess that's good too. Dante and Demetrio have been a handful lately. To be expected I guess, two boys 16 months apart. Demetrio insists on climbing on the table as soon as I leave the room to do anything. Lovely. He has at least cut down on his snail eating. Quite disgusting  having to scrape snail pieces out of his mouth. Even though we have a small yard, it just takes him bending down, pretending to smell flowers to trick me. Suddenly, he's crunching away. Lovely. I'd love to find some nice books for the kids. Spiritual but not uber-Christian... not in the way th

Prayer to Mater Amabilis

Mater Amabilis, in garments of splendour Drenched in the beauty that is the Light Who as Sophia spread the seeds of the Divine Spark That we may never be forced to dwell in darkness… We need only to seek the Light And to open our hearts. Blessed is the Logos Who was there in the beginning His loving embrace would Guide our Mother home. May we open ourselves to his Truth , Illuminated by the Stars of the Sea of Remembrance That all will be revealed. Amen