How did I go from being a coven priestess/witch/pagan to a contemplative Gnostic Christian.
I never really felt the presence of Goddess. I wanted to. I tried. But I was unable to personify her. And when working with Deity, ones with names, and strengths and weaknesses... well, personification is just sort of something one does.I had varied levels of success, but in the end, it just did not feel real to me.
I want to clarify that I was not raised religious at all, so it wasn't religious baggage coming back to haunt me. I was free while growing up to explore whatever religious avenues I felt inclined toward.
Always something deeper. Always trying to figure out the source.
Now here I am, a few years later and I feel like I have seen the Kingdom of God. Or at least a good advertisement for it.
The experiences I have had while on walks, when the feeling of surrealism overcomes me, and I am filled with an overwhelming breathtaking sensation of unity. Of Love. Of Beauty. Of God. That veil lifts.... it flutters, and suddenly everything is so amazing. Then it passes.
I had pondered on it.
What was I seeing?
...the Father's kingdom is spread out upon the earth, and people don't see it." Gospel of Thomas
There is definitely something more. Something within and beyond, all that we see. As much as I fought against the 'God' concept, I have come to realize that what I was fighting against is (for me at least) the truth that I had always been seeking.
Still not totally sure what it is... this 'truth', but I know that I am being moved along the path, by messengers on the wind.