Showing posts from October, 2016


When a life ends, it's like the entirety of what they were returns to it's source. The emptiness and void I feel is the Lack of Her. As she  withdrew from here, she disentangled, disengaged from me. Her loss as physically painful as a part of my body being removed. Soon, I hope I will be able to learn to more clearly feel her presence in it's new form. I know that she manifests in the love of those who care for her, and is part of the same source that activates each of us. But right now, the severing of her from me is so overwhelming that I can't really feel anything but loss. It isn't day to day, it's minute to minute. Minute to minute.    

Hardest Day

Or second hardest. First hardest I guess was when the police told me she passed. Yesterday was the funeral but so many people were there.. (200?) that i had little time to be sad. Or be anything. Just do, do do... and then we had open house also for any family or friends. But today it was the fact that all I could feel was dread. She looked nothing like herself. Maybe because it took 2 weeks for the funeral.. she looked bloated and old and NOT 23 beautiful. I saw this shell. Without our spirit our shell is strange and cracked, broken. Today was a slight spiral down into a bit of madness and darkness.


So. October 7th of this year, my life changed. A police officer and some woman accompanying him came to my door about dinner time. They confirmed my name. They confirmed that I had a daughter... had. The police officer then went on to tell me : "I'm sorry to inform you but your daughter passed away this afternoon" This was the Friday of the Thanksgiving weekend here in Canada. I was told that being a long weekend the coroner probably wouldn't call until Tuesday so just 'spend time with family now, because not much can be done until Tuesday'. Since that day, what have I accomplished. Choosing the funeral director Choosing cemetery. Choosing a casket. Choosing to have open casket pior to the service Choosing to then go to the cemetery for the burial Choosing to have open house following the burial at my home Signed off on a 10,000.00 bill Got the date picked by confirming that my son can get time off from school Confirmed that the date wo