Showing posts from October, 2017

A year has come, and passed.

How is it that a whole year just went by? I admit that I have, for the most part - been in a state of disassociation I think. Sometimes worse than others.  But suddenly the day was here. I had spent about 3 weeks FULLY completely dreading it. Then two weeks wondering what I should plan. Should I ask if her friends want to get together? How do I pay begrudging respect to this shitty day? Do we honour more, the day someone is born? They day they die? Do I HAVE to do anything at all? But not doing anything would feel so, so wrong. Also, it would be the Thanksgiving weekend. Last year, when she died, October 7th fell on a Friday. The Friday before Thanksgiving. This year, October 7th fell on the Saturday. In most ways, Friday was the hardest because the Day Before Thanksgiving Weekend will always stand out in my mind. Walking the kids home from school, coming home and then having the police officer say what he said. Saturday was just sad. It wasn't sad that Caitlin's younger brothe