As long as the internet has been in my life, about 12 years, I have kept an online journal somewhere. I've never really known how to express myself in them, and as a result have had a few different ones. One for my dark rambling self (now evolved into 'spiritually seeking self' ) , one for pagan/wiccan things (but I am no longer Wiccan... pagan is a term that I'm not quite comfortable with either - Earth-Based/Panentheist is more appropriate ) one for family stuff that was mostly only published to people I knew. I even had one of those 'mommy blogs' for awhile but then I realized I didn't want to promote things because if I didn't like it, I would be very honest and that wouldn't be very PR friendly. Also, I am financially restricted, BIG time, so for me to promote something it would have to be cheap AND super awesome. :)

I've never just had all of me in one spot. 

Ultimately though, that's who I am. All of it. I am a sometimes moody, sometimes goofy, 40 year old mother of 5.

Spiritually- I see God in the world around me and often delve deeply into contemplation and Kabbalah and other systems that replenish me and nurture me. I'm too Christian to be a Pagan, I'm too Pagan and kind of Jewish to be your average Christian, and I'm too Christian to be Jewish. Though I will say I am in much agreement with the 8  points of Progressive Christianity and the Progressive Episcopalian Conference. In being a panentheist (seeing the Divine as within all but also beyond all) and also a religious person by nature, I decided on the term Divinaturist. Seeing the Divine in Nature. I have my own tenets that apply to my path. My path that was formed by a merging of Wiccan/Earth Based with Gnosticism, Esoteric Christianity, Jewish Mysticism and Progressive Christianity.

Family - I had three children by the time I was 23. I had my first child at 16. I was the youngest mom I knew at the time.  Then after remarrying years later, and having my tubes UN-tied (that in itself was an experience) I had two more children in my late 30's. I am actually the oldest mother with children my age that I know in my area.  I just turned 40, I think I'm beginning the menopause thing. I feel like I have PMS all the time - is that a sign? Some days I am a dynamic mother and domestic goddess. Other days I avoid the kitchen like the plague, only entering to make the simplest foods possible and tossing together an instant coffee. I'm always at war with my weight and self-esteem and I sleep too little.

Eco- I try to use earth-friendly products. I try to avoid fillers and crap. I am an early adopter with web/geek stuff, however with the average household products and gimmicky weight-loss items, I am far less tolerant. As an example, many people I know use Visalus. I personally just don't get it. A quality protein shake with a multivitamin is less expensive and has less chemicals in it. The fact that the Visalus websites blind me with flash in a condescending attempt to direct my attention straight to the BUY NOW area irritates me enough that I don't think I could ever try their products. (Plus they contain maltodextrine which kills my gut) . Mothers who drive their expensive SUV's a block away to drop off their offspring at the school and then park over at the gym to get on the treadmill irritate me too.  I walk past both those places and further on my daily walk each day. At the same time I have the opportunity to enjoy the turning seasons, the wind in the trees and the birds chirping.

Anyhow... so that's pretty much me. In a blog. I'm not remarkably witty. I'm not even that nice all the time. But maybe, once in awhile, I will write something that will inspire someone else. It's possible. Now.. time to take out the banana bread. I'm avoiding sugars, so I'm not eating any - this is for the kids.


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