I think part of the reason I'm always on this quest is because I want to have a spiritual structure at home. Not just for myself, but for the children.There are lots of things we could do completely on our own, with no involvement with an established spiritual group/church, but then there is a lack of community and a feeling of almost segregation because there are no others that the kids can share this with.
I felt at the time that being a Pagan mom, we could simply celebrate the life cycles of our lives and the seasons of the earth. In theory this is great except that even in that, there is no real consistent way of doing this with other people, as other people all have their own way of doing this, as well as the fact that many pagans do direct workings with distinct deities. There is not really a line of antiquity in which we can derive sources from. I know one doesn't need history in order for it to be valid, but there is something to be said for tapping into the rituals and words used over and over for many many years.
In going to the Anglican church, I found more of a sense of community, but there is a bit of a deeper spirituality that is lacking for me. Maybe just in the method. I don't gain a big sense of spiritual enlightenment from repeatedly acknowledging and professing that I believe that One God gave us his Only Son to die for our Sins. I don't feel as though we need a mediator such as Jesus in order to access God. If this were the case, then it would make other religions invalid.
There isnt much for family ritual within the Christian church, at least not in the contemporary sense.
So, with paganism there was a lack of substance, everything so 'neo' that there was not alot to really of consistency to draw on, A big mish-mash of ideas from all over, still okay, but nothing that the kids can be with other kids and discuss their relationship with God etc. Alot of paganism is still multi-deity.
I have been re-visiting Judaism, because there seems to be alot of changes within Judaism, at least as far as Reform/Progressive goes. There is alot of family ritual, and devotion to God. I sort of feel though that there is such an emphasis on the past though, that my family would not be able to relate.So many rules and very strict observations.
Neo-Paganism being so darn new- 20th century- and Judaism being so, well.... old. Thousands of years BC. I am going to hopefully attend a service at a Reform community center in a week or so, and we'll see how it goes. Much of the Reform movement in Judaism seems to integrate the old into the new, and maybe that is something that can work.
Looking for a happy medium.