Just when I think I've adjusted to the fact that we will be living here a little while yet, I look out at my yard and begin itching to leave.
It's not EVEN that it is just so darn small, it is mostly the fact that the neighbouring houses stare down into it. We have planted a row of emerald cedars, but even if they live (I dont have the greenest thumb), it will take time for them to block out the surrounding homes.
Patience patience...I know that in a few years we can move. Something smaller, but bigger yard.
I loved the time I spent at my grandmas house growing up. She lived on Zero Avenue. Right in between the two border crossings. She had two acres. I loved all the little old houses along the road. Small but cozy. Comforting. Outside was spacious, with things growing everywhere. A little garden close to the house with things that were quickly accessible. Different gourds, broccoli and cauliflower etc. There was a greenhouse next to the small garden which had a few cucumbers in it. Toward the back half of the property were the big fields with beans and potatoes, corn and many other things. There was another greenhouse there also, and this one was Grandpas and was full of tomatoes.
As a child I loved wandering through the yard, looking at everything, and poking at everything. (some things poked back, Ouch!)...smelling cut grass and compost, hearing lawnmowers from neighbours cutting the grass, or the sound of a chainsaw cutting trees from someone's property. Birds chirping, tall trees dancing in the breeze with their leaves rustling, buzzing of small insects....
I've always wanted this.
Since growing up, I've realized how much work it is to keep a garden alive and healthy. I realize that right now I just don't have the time for it. Also, our house being the sort it is, we have to go down a long flight of stairs to get out back to our tiny yard and with two very young children, its just not so easy to really get a good gardening regime going. I would like a little kitchenette put into our recroom downstairs. There is a patio there that opens right out to the yard. Both the little ones and hubby and I sleep downstairs, and so it would be nice to just wake up, dress the kids and out we go. My friend Shannon says that it's just because I spent so many years in a basement suite, and I'm trying to re-create it. LoL. I think it's more to do that when I grew up with my grandparents, and then spent every weekend and holiday there, it was always in that one level cozy little space. It's just what I associate with comfort I suppose.
We are in a drafty, open, two level home right now. In many ways its a waste of space because of hallways and stairways that take up space and only serve to separate the home. It is absolutely not cozy. Hubby and I took over the rec room downstairs last May and now use it as a large bedroom, with both small boys in the two rooms down there. There is carpeting down there, and it is not so drafty, and I quite like it. So, once Demetrio gets sleeping consistently, we will put both boys in the one room and cram our kingsized bed in the other room, and then we will use the recroom as a living space and kitchenette. The older three can keep their upstairs rooms, and wander about freely up there :D
And then maybe, next spring, it will be easier to get out there and spend more time in my tiny little yard, a bit of gardeing, maybe some different decorations for the fence. I'll try to make it into a tiny sanctuary that can tide us over until we can move away into a smaller, cozier home with a bit more of a private yard space.
I hope that the itch to move subsides until it can be made a reality. I often wonder if I'll ever be happy anywhere. I think that I will be, I think we just haven't found the right home. I know happiness starts within and that I should just concentrate on being as happy as I can where I am, but I also know that 'We are our environment'. I want my environment to better reflect what it is that I hope to achieve on an inner level.