lol... well, not the blues I guess. Just the... blahs.
The lack of sleep is wearing on me, the housework is a never-ending losing battle. We've had two warm days that caused night sweats. Maybe it's pre menopause?
It's noisy all the time. And when it is calm in the house,it is the noise from all the happy neighbours and children. Not that I begrudge them their happiness, but must it be so loud? I know it's just a matter of small lots, the houses are quite close to one another. But there seems to be no place or time in my day when I can meditate, or regenerate.
There is a window of time between about 11pm and 1am that little Demetrio actually sleeps. On his own, in his VERY own crib. That is my ME time. Time spent not cleaning, or nursing, or rocking or feeding people etc., but his crib is right next to my bed, so I usually end up plugging headphones into my laptop and watching an episode of House. (I'm way behind). I've tried quietly meditating, but by that time, I'll just nod off, hehe. Meditating is quite relaxing.
A bright point for me however is my path I am on seeking Gnosis. I gave my vows to the Order of St. Esclarmonde on Sunday. (Thank you Mother Marsha+) :)
Many things that were disjointed and scattered for me have taken on an aspect of connectivity. Nothing that conflicts really with my Witch self. In actuality, many of those qualities have been accentuated I find. But they are coming forth in a different manner, and in mindfulness.
Remembering to remain mindful, and remembering where I come from, is very meaningful to me. As said by Eckhart Tolle. I am not the voice inside my head, but I am the AWARENESS of that voice.
I am very thankful to Father Jordan Stratford+ for taking the time to answer questions I have had , and for putting me in touch with Father Stu+ to be received into the Regina Coeli Parish as a member of the Apostolic Johannite Church. I am happy that some nice peeps from www.mysticwicks.com pointed me towards the Palm Tree Garden Gnostic Forums, because there, I met a nice woman who brought to my attention The Order of St. Esclarmonde.
It's nice to have a bit of somewhat organized structure on this path. Nothing is a 'rule' so to speak, but reading suggestions, prayer suggestions, and the opportunity to meet others who are willing to share their experiences.
I'm also very thankful for the health of my loved ones.
So, even though I'm feeling blah, I guess I consider myself very fortunate. Looking forward to my mead making at the end of May, and a pre-Litha pic nic with the Terra Spirit Pagan Fellowship on June13th.
I'm just tired.
In Love & Light
Shilo, also known now as Sister Elena
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